Posts Tagged ‘humor’

The Creator of Harley Davidson Motorcycle

March 25, 2011

Arthur Davidson the creator of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation and the slogan “Take The Work Out Of Bicycling” passed-away in 1950.

Sexy girl in bikini on motorcycle

Sexy girl in bikini on motorcycle


At the gate of heaven, St. Gabriel told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.”

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, “I want to hang out with God.” St. Gabriel took Arthur to the Chair room, and introduced him to God.

Arthur then asked God, “Hey, aren’t you the creator of woman?” God said, “Ah, yes.” “Well,” said Arthur, “professional to professional, you have some major design faults in your invention:

There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end bulge;

Most of the rear-ends are too soft and shake too much;

The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

It gossips constantly at high speeds;

And the maintenance costs are shocking.”

“Hmmmm, you may have some good points there,” replied God, “hold on.” God went to his cosmic super computer typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

Sexy girl in blue bikini on motorcycle

Sexy girl in blue bikini on motorcycle

“Well, it may be true that my creation is imperfect,” God said to Arthur, “but according to these numbers, more men are riding my creation than yours.”

Advertisements

Shrinking butts – is it for men?

December 17, 2010

A new study in the UK on woman ass size reveals:

80% of the women think their asses are too fat

15% of the women think their asses are too skinny

The other 5% say they don’t care, they love him, he’s a good man and would have married him anyway. :))))

For centuries, women have tortured, teased and starved themselves in the hope of reaching that ideal body size. According to a body survey in the UK mag Fabulous, women claim their ideal body size is a 6. When asked, the men said they though the ideal female body size should be a 10.
Which begs the question, who have women been starving themselves for? When you ask your guy, “Do you like skinny girls?” and he says “no,” instead of reflexively calling him a liar and hitting him, maybe you should listen.

He’s been telling the truth all along. So maybe it’s time to cut out the unending parade of diets and accept the fact men like women the way they look, maybe even more so with a few more pounds.

Read more on how Alice Howard from Glam UK shrank her ass

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

State of mind – Men Vs. Women

May 4, 2010

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that, in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’
‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

So, a student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ‘computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la Computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your income on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (‘el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have found a better model.

Send this to all the smart women you know…and all the men that have a good sense of humor

A lawyer and a stunning blond

April 3, 2010

A prosperous lawyer missed his flight back home and had to stay the night away.

stunning blond

He went down to the local bar and after few drinks he felt somewhat passionate. Next to him was beautiful well-proportioned figure blond and he proposed to her to spend the night with him for $1000.

When he was ready to leave the next morning, he told her he didn’t have that much money in cash, but would have his secretary mail her a check for it, made out with a memo of RENT FOR APARTMENT, to avoid any embarrassment.

However, on the way to the office, after thinking carefully, he decided the night hadn’t been worth what he’d agreed to pay. As a result, he had his secretary send a check for $500 instead, and enclosed the following explanatory note:
Dear Madam:
“Enclosed is a cheque for the amount of $500 for rent on your apartment. I am sending this amount instead of the amount originally agreed upon, because when I rented this apartment, I was under the impression that:

1. It had never been occupied
2. There was plenty of heat
3. It was tight and small

Last night, I found that it had been occupied many times, that there wasn’t any heat, and that it was entirely too large!”

Upon receipt of the note, the Blond immediately returned the check, with her note:
“I am returning the cheque for $500. I cannot understand how you could expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied. As for the heat… there is plenty of it there if you know how to turn it on. As for the size, it’s not my fault if you didn’t have enough furniture to furnish it.

Stamp Malfunction

February 10, 2010

The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama on it. The Postal Service noticed that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:

obama stump
1.The stamp is in perfect order.

2.There is nothing wrong with the glue.

3. People are spitting on the wrong side.